Allgemein · Life

[Ramble] Why not talking?

Hello guys,

for once this isn’t going to be a post about books – ewww I know – but over something rather personal that I have thought about for a while now. I think it’s important that such things get out once in a while, they might not only help me but others as well. So see it as a fresh ocean breeze. The topic hint is in the title.Yes, I’m not a talkactive person – I rather listen – but I discovered an issue in my job that is rather important for everyone in every life situation. Communicating.

Wow, you might think, this is not the revelation of the year we all have been waiting for. But I think it’s important to be remembered of that fact. It’s important to communicate your problems, your fears, your issues, your happiness, everything. Even your daily adventures, might they be so unadventurous. If you are not communicating, misunderstandings get created and from misunderstandings it is not a small step until full fights and angry thoughts.

And that’s where I struggle a lot. Telling people how I feel, what is going on or wrong in my life, basically everything. And this is a toxic behavior, since news are not getting out of me but rather getting in, settling and creating negative thoughts. These negative thoughts are working on my already low self-esteem to accomplish nothing but fear and doubts.

The good thing is that I learned how to address my issues in my job – thank god my bosses are really understanding – yet I need to communicate issues in my private life since it’s more about me than my work. My ideal life: never having to talk about me, because I simply can’t do that. I can’t even think about me because I don’t want to occupy myself with me. It’s getting inception-isty but thinking about yourself and addressing you with yourself is the first step to make peace with. After that it probably is easier to talk to people who aren’t in your head about your daily problems. I don’t know about that yet because I haven’t made it that far yet.

So, why am I writing this blogpost again? To complain about my non-talkactive ways? Probably, since I love complaining about things. But not just because of only that reason, but too because if maybe I publish this in the “public” (quotation marks because my blog gets so little views that basically nobody will read this) I will chance my ways to become a more content person. Content with me and content with my surroundings.

Talking. Already a hard thing since I prefer writing things (another reason why I probably would suck having a Youtube channel among other reasons) but yet you need to do it. Phone calls? Horrible. Presentations? Don’t get me even started. Addressing issues? It feels like you’re building up to push against a wall until you’re so nervous yet found a loophole that the problem is flowing out your mouth eventually. And then you are glad that you have addressed it, not a second too early.

Okay, now that I have addressed some of my problems on why I hate talking and think it’s basically the worst thing to overcome and talk about problems and negative thoughts you have, there’s another issue I got for you (and since it’s the internet I’m 100% not alone): Talking to people you haven’t talked to in a while! And with talking I mean this time not just talking but writing, communicating. Because personally I think that takes guts to do. Also it just takes the right day, right mood to get over yourself and write to that person.

You haven’t thought about a schoolfriend you had in elementary school for literally years but want to get in touch again? Why not just do it if you haven’t parted badly? Oh, you have parted badly? Why not trying anyways, time heals wounds and maybe it has all been a big mistake, a big miscommunication? Ah, see where I get there? You like that person (more or less than a friends, whatever fits your situation) and you haven’t talked to this person for months yet you think that relationship is a strange/weird situation? Yet again the question: WHY NOT TALKING?

Rejection. Weirdness. Not understanding the person as you think you do. Some people are weird and different from your opinion, you got to deal with this. Writing this makes me feel like a hypocrite because I hate dealing with things that are outside my comfort zone and refuse to get comfortable once I left my beautiful bubble. Yet I want to write to people I have’t talked in years/months to simply see how they are doing. But I’m not doing it because I’m scared that I get put off, make an impression as a weirdo or something worse, unimaginable. I’m scared of communicating because the outcome can be an experience that makes me hate reaching out to people. I got a wild imagination, let’s just leave it there.

Is this weird or normal? Have you thought about doing this? Have you actually done this? What is your experience? What are your thoughts about this post? I’m really curious how other people feel about such things since lately I’m thinking about different behaviors – come it as being envious of more successful people – so I hope you readers are participating. Also I’m excusing my probably faulty english, I’m in a bit of a hurry and had to get these thoughts out, so they as well seem a little bit chopped off.

Have a great easter monday and enjoy it xo

xoxoblattzirkus

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